What could have been
by Andy101
Summary: Snape finally confesses his love to Lily & things seem to go well but when they fight over a misplaced insult will he be able to put things right again? A recount of their Hogwarts yrs. SS/LE/OC.
1. Chapter 1

**Authors note**: This fan fiction is a product of my imagination which is trying to compensate for Snape's unfortunate life. Since Snape is one of my favorite Harry Potter characters I thought it would be fun to write a story which allows him happy moments and a little romance. So this story focuses on his Hogwarts school years with Lily. I have not yet decided whether their relationship will end as it did in the book or conclude with a Snape/Lily happily ever after. Any suggestions or comments are welcome. Enjoy!

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The steam circulated throughout the dungeon classroom, making it difficult to tell whether the beads of sweat on the students' faces were caused by the stuffy heat or the pressure to finish a particularly difficult potion.

"Times up!" professor Slughorn called out as he wiped his face with his handkerchief and began to circulate the classroom, checking the contents of his students' cauldrons as he passed. He stopped at the last table and after taking a couple of seconds to analyze the potion within looked up, a large smile on his face.

"Excellently done Miss. Evans as always you continue to impress." He announced, calling the attention of the entire class.

"Thank you professor but I couldn't have done it without Severus's help. He's really brilliant" she replied as she turned to the dark haired boy next to her. He gave no acknowledgment that he had heard her, only continued to hide behind his dark hair and looked down at the table.

"Yes I'm sure" replied professor Slughorn in obvious disbelief as he stared and the motionless Snape.

"Did you hear that Sirius? Did you know Snivellus was brrillllliant? Here I thought the only thing he was good for was collecting grease in his hair." James called out from across the room as the rest of the class erupted in laughter.

"Yeah, I heard he was a really genius among the trolls" Sirius replied with a grin. Lily watched in anger as the boy next to her crouched lower into his stool. She turned towards James who had now taken it upon him self to mime a scene depicting Severus as the king of trolls for his laughing audience. He winked at her from across the room which only served to fuel her anger. She meet his eyes, a suggestive smile slowly spreading across her face, her green eyes twinkling with mischief as she raised her wand and with a quick flash his stool crumbled beneath him. She smiled genuinely now as he looked up from the floor in confusion and his classmates erupted with a new source of laughter.

"Gee Potter I didn't know you were so clumsy or is it that your seat just couldn't take the weight of that big head of yours." She said as she collected her red hair on her right shoulder and turned away from him.

"Enough already, we have all had our laugh now class is dismissed. Hurry along before I lose all my furniture." Slughorn yelled over the loud laughter. Snape packed his books with unbelievable speed and stormed out of the classroom. Lily packed her belongs as well and chased after him.

"Sev wait up! Sev! Sev!" she called out but he refused to look back and continued his brisk walk through the corridors.

"Please …don't… be mad at me Sev" she gasped when she had finally caught up and had gotten a hold of his arm.

"You didn't have to say that Lily" he replied as he lead her towards the wall and out of the crowded the hallway.

"There's nothing wrong with what I said it's the truth! You're the smartest guy in there only Slughorn doesn't see it because you're always so withdrawn."

"Yeah but…"

"No buts! It's not my fault Potters' such a Toad… Look I'm sorry they laughed but I was only trying to show off my best friend a little bit is that so wrong?" He smiled at that and mumbled thanks.

"You look a lot cuter when you smile you know." She said as her cheeks blushed slightly. She reached out and bushed his hair behind his ear. Anyway do you think you can help me study for the O.W.L s later?

"Sure I can meet you in the library after dinner today" he replied. Lily looked way from him and across the hall to a couple of Gryffindor girls who were waving her over and point towards their wrist. She smiled and returned the wave before returning her gaze to the boy in front of her.

"I have to go or I'll be late but I'll see you later" she said as she quickly placed a kiss on his check and began to walk towards her friends. Severus reached up and cupped his burning check.

"Can you stop doing that!" he called after her.

"Do what?" she replied with a wink and a large smirk.

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"AGGGHhhh, I'm tired of studying" she said as she dropped her quill and lowered her forehead onto the table, her red hair fanned out above her. Severus was silent as he stared at the back of her exposed neck.

"Sev, what happens if you fail?" she said without looking up.

"Don't worry you wont fail, besides I'll help you with anything you don't understand" he replied without removing his gaze from the back of her neck. She angled her head so that she could face him without having to lift her head from the table.

"Your right with you as my tutor how could I go wrong? You know what? I think I learned half of what I know from you."

"Only half?" he chuckled as mirrored her position on the table so that they where eye level.

"Are YOU trying to be funny?" She accused him with a smile. She reached out and placed her hand on top of his on the table. She was surprised by how quickly he stiffened but only widened her smile in response. "After exams are over we should go celebrate"

"Sure" he whispered. His black eyes were now staring at her fingers which had begun to softly trace his hand.

"Good it's a date then" she whispered as she continued to trace the lines on his hand. "Alright lets' do two more hours and then go to bed!" she said with excitement as she quickly pulled her self up and grabbed her quill. Severus kept his head on the table while he tried to calm his panicked heart. What could she have meant by that? He thought to himself as he pulled himself off the table and began to flip through his books. Surly she didn't really mean it was a DATE? We're friends and she couldn't be interested in me? These questions circled his mind until it dizzied him and decided to push it out of his head and concentrate on the exam.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **I obviously don't own Harry Potter, although I did borrow some of the dialogue from DH which is italicized within the story.

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The great hall bustled with noise as the crowds of students ate their lunch. A small group of Slytherins huddled together at the end of their table. Lily walked up to them and taped a dark haired boy on the shoulder. When he turned to face her she granted him a wide smile which he acknowledged with a slight nod although, his dark eyes gave away his sudden pleasure. The pleasure he felt was singular however, as his companions practically hissed at her approach.

"I think I just lost my appetite" a dark haired girl said as she scrunched her nose in exaggerated disgust. The blond female next to her followed suite and pinched her nose as if her surroundings had suddenly erupted in mold. "I think we should go before we're sullied" she said. Lily's cheeks glowed red with anger as she looked around the table and then back at the boy she had approached, who looked mortified by the actions of his companions' yet remained silent. She met his dark eyes and her green ones glossed briefly with sadness before the angry fire reoccupied her expressions.

"Don't bother I'm leaving" she said as she turned her back on them and stormed off. Severus seemed to recollect himself and quickly glared at his companions who only giggled in pleasure. He got up and followed the flowing red hair out towards the courtyard. He had to run in order to catch up to her.

"Lily wait… Lily I'm sorry about that …" he heaved as he grabbed her arm and forced her to look at him. She freed her arm from his grasp and crossed her arms in front of her.

"Why bother falling me, don't you know I might taint your precious blood line? Maybe you should go back to your FRIENDS and help them come up with more insults for me. " she said in a mad huff.

"Come on Lily you know I don't think that way" he said pleadingly.

"Yeah? Then why didn't you say anything when you friends where insulting me?"

"You're right I should have said something it's just… I'm sorry..." he looked down at his feet in shame. Lily couldn't help but think that he looked like a pup with its tail between its legs. She wanted to comfort him but reminded herself that she was the one who had been hurt by his actions, or lack there of.

"_Sev, I can't stand some of the people you are hanging around with! I'm sorry, but I detest Avery and Mulciber! Mulciber! What do you see in him Sev, he's creepy! D' you know what he tried to do to Mary Macdonald the other day?"_

"_That was nothing, it was a laugh, that's all-"_

"_It was Dark Magic, and you think its funny-"_

"_What about the stuff Potter and his mates get up to?"_ he said defensively.

"_What's Potter got to do with anything?"_ she replied.

"_The things they do are just as bad and more frequent then the things Mulciber does"_

"_They don't use dark magic though"_ she replied.

"_Maybe not but their actions are bad none the less and no one complains about the big Quidditch hero…he's just… every one thinks he's so wonderful…he's just fooling everyone, trying to fool you because he fancies you, James Potter fancies you…"_ The rushing anger that had swelled up at the thought of Potter made it difficult for him to continue so he fell silent, desperately regretting the last comment. Lily raised her eyebrows

"_I know James Potter is an arrogant toerag, I don't need you to tell me that"_ she said to Severus's delight.

"Lily, I'm sorry about what happened earlier I'm a coward for not defending you but I promise it won't happen again. Please don't stay mad at me." He begged her. _"Aggh there goes the puppy eyes, he makes it so hard to stay mad" she thought to herself. _ "Apparently I don't have the best choice in friends and I can't afford to lose the only good one I have" he said with a hint of mischief once he saw that he was beginning to break her down. Lily couldn't help but chuckle at that last remark.

"OK " she said with a roll of her eyes "but only because I don't want to feed you to the snakes" She linked their arms together and dragged him off towards the lake. Their conversation soon became light and laughter replaced the angry words they had previously exchanged. As they walked they unknowingly passed Potter and his friends who had been busy discussing the "ethics" of Quidditch. James was distracted from the conversation he had previously been so engrossed in when he saw Severus and Lily chatting merrily arm in arm.

"Don't worry about it mate" Sirius told James as he patted his shoulder "Evan's only feels sorry for the greasy git"

"I know that!" he replied "I got to do her a favor and get rid of that grease ball soon."

"Well aren't you her knight and shinning armor?" Sirius said with a chuckle "don't worry I'll help you torment the maggot" The pair looked at each other with wide grins as Lupin rolled his eyes and Pettigrew looked as if he would piss himself with excitement. They waited until Lily and Severus where out of sight before they returned to their original conversation.

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The pair eventually settled at the base of shady tree, Severus sat rigidly with his back agents the trunk and Lily immediately leaned her head against her companions shoulder in a daze.

"Since when did I become your pillow" Snape asked as he lowered his head so that his long dark hair could hide the heavy blush on his face.

"Why can't you be?" Lily asked as she looked up at him. He didn't reply and she reached up and pulled his hair back away from his face. "You know it might be a good idea if you where to cut you hair short."

"Yeah then I could go buy broom stick and fly around like an idiot chasing a stupid ball" he replied bitterly. "Aggh! Why do you have to bring Potter up for everything!" she groaned. Snape looked away in embarrassment as he muttered an apology. Lily had a mischievous thought and grinned as she said. "Sev, if I didn't know better I would think your jealous of Potter" Snape's cheeks flushed violently as he began to pull grass from the ground. _"He's so cute when he blushes" she thought to her self, enjoying his discomfort._ "Don't worry I'm sure good looks and vast popularity isn't all its cracked up to be" she said still grinning.

"I thought you didn't like him!" he replied angrily as he stiffened and shook her off his shoulder; betrayal lined his voice.

"Yeah, maybe I should rethink my judgment-"she was cut off when Severus motioned to leave in anger. She grabbed hold of his arm and pulled him back down.

"Hey I was just teasing you don't worry" she said reassuringly "besides I like the dark brooding type better" she said as she nudged him. They sat together in silence a while longer before he finally spoke.

"The lunch break is almost over, we should probably get going"

"I suppose so" she said lazily as she pulled herself off his shoulder. "I'll see you later so that we can study?" he nodded in reply.

"Goodbye then" she said as she leaned in to kiss him in the cheek.

"I told you to stop doing that-" he had turned to say but it was to late, the tilt of his head had misdirected her kiss so that if grazed the corner of his mouth. They both blushed feverishly as they pulled apart.

"I'm sorry" she said as she stood. He nodded once more and she turned around and left, all the while trying to calm her fanatic heart.

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**A/n:** Sorry, I realize this isn't the best chapter but I'm hoping the next one will be better and thanks t those who have reviewed.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: As always I don't own anything. **

The dungeon classroom was mostly quiet. The only sounds that bounced off the stone walls where the faint scratches of quill on parchment, the clipping of ingredients, and the occasional mumbled curses that would escape frustrated students' lips. The students all hunched over their cauldrons in concentration while the professor sat at his desk writing what appeared to be an amusing letter, most likely containing the latest celebrity gossip. The routine of the classroom was broken with a sound knock at the door. Professor Slughorn slowly rose from his seat and opened the door to find a dark haired Ravenclaw boy who handed him a sealed parchment form the headmaster. Slughorn thanked the boy and sent him off before returning to his pillowed seat and reading the contents of the message. "Oh dear" he mumbled to himself before he looked up.

"Severus my boy, come here for a moment" he called from his desk. Lily's green eyes shoot up with curiosity as she met the eyes of her friend sitting next to her. He shrugged his shoulders in reply before he walked towards the professor.

"Severus the headmaster would like to see you" Slughorn said quietly.

"Why would he want to see me?" he asked.

"Perhaps it would be best if you let him explain it to you."

"Instruction is almost over can I wait till then?" he asked.

"No, I think its best you go now" Slughorn replied. He turned and met Lily's curious gaze with a small smile, "Besides I think Miss Evans is more then capable of finishing the assignment on her own."

Severus took this as a queue to leave and quickly navigated his way out of the dungeons and to the headmaster's office. When He reached the door he knocked softly and was met by Dumbledore's warm voice inviting him in.

"Headmaster you wished to see me?" Dumbledore took a moment to take in the solemn boy standing before him. His normally bright eyes looked sad as he motioned for Snape to take a seat in front of his desk. Snape silently sat in his appointed seat and stared at the white haired headmaster.

"Yes Mr. Snape I called you because I unfortunately have some bad news to tell you." He paused to observe the boys reaction but only found a slight flicker of his dark eyes. "I don't know what the best way to say this is so with your permission I'll be blunt" Snape nodded in agreement. "Eileen, your mother has passed on today… apparently Eileen and your father where… arguing… when things got carried away and he pushed her down a flight of stairs. The fall broke her neck and she died instantly. Muggle authorities have your father in custody and the Ministry has deemed it wise to let them handle the situation since he is a muggle." Dumbledore stopped to look at Snape who remained silent, his expression was unchanged and his dark eyes masked all signs of emotion. Professor Dumbledore walked around the desk and placed a comforting hand on Snape's shoulder which caused the boys body to instantly become rigid.

"A funeral will be held this weekend and you will be granted a leave of absence so that you may attend and deal with things at home." Snape finally spoke as he shuck the headmasters hand off his shoulder.

"Thank you headmaster but that will not be necessary." His voice was calm and flat "will this situation affect my stay here at Hogwarts?"

"No, your tuition has already been paid in full"

"Then with your permission I would like to be excused so that I may return to my classes." He said as he stood from his seat and walked to the door. Dumbledore looked at him with sorrow before he excused him and Snape rushed out of the room and to his next class without so much as goodbye.

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Lily sat impatiently at the library as she waited for her friend to arrive. She looked at the clock _OK he's now an hour late. He's never late. I haven't seen him since he got called away in potions. I hope he hasn't gotten himself in trouble or better said his "friends" haven't gotten him into trouble._ The more she thought about it the more her face flushed in anger _I really HATE Avery and Mulciber. _She looked at the stacks of books in front of her and went to work deciding that she would grill him about what kind of trouble his Slytherin buddies had gotten him into later, for now she had assignments to finish. Lily let out a long sigh as she stretched her arms and back against the chair behind her. She looked up at the clock and was shocked to find that four additional hours had passed and there was still no sign of Sev. _Great he probably got detention and forgot to tell me_ she thought as she packed her things and headed back to the Gryffindor common room. The next morning Lily indulged herself in her pumpkin pancakes, allowing the warm sweetness to comfort her overworked mind. When she had finished her breakfast she sat back and enjoyed the conversation around her with a content gaze on her face. Her friends giggled feverishly when the conversation changed course to cover how "devilishly handsome" Sirius Black was. Lily soon tiered of the conversation and allowed her cat like green eyes to skim the great hall and rest on the Slytherin table. She quickly spotted Sev's dark figure at the corner of the table with his usual group of friends. _I have to remember to ask him what happened_ _later_ she thought casually. She turned to her friend and found that they were still on the same subject of conversation; she rolled her eyes and returned her gaze to Sev. He sat quietly poking at the uneaten food on his plate, oblivious to his surroundings. It seemed as though his companions had abandoned all attempts to include him in the conversation. Although, Lily wouldn't call Sev, a sociable person she thought his behavior odd, he wasn't one to completely isolate himself. Lily turned back to her friends and tried to rejoin their conversation.

Later that day Lily spotted Sev, walking alone in a corridor. His expression was empty, like the base of a porcelain doll which had not yet met the artist that would give it life. Much like that morning he seemed inattentive to his surroundings, as he almost bumped into a third year hufflepuff girl who was walking by. Lily followed him in silent observation and was disturbed by his absentminded behavior. She caught up to him and pulled him out of the crowd and along the wall of the corridor.

"What are you doing?" he asked lazily.

"I want to know what's going on with you?" she said simply. She resembled a mother scolding a child, her posture was firm, hands at her hips, eyes challenging.

"What are you talking about?" Sev, replied shortly, he seemed annoyed and quickly looked away from the intensity in her eyes.

"You seem…Distracted, void… did you get into some sort of trouble with the headmaster?" she asked in a softer tone, trying to regain his focus.

"I'm probably just a little tired and No I didn't get into any trouble"

"Then what did Dumbledore want?"she asked.

"Nothing"

"He called you out of class because he wanted nothing?" she asked with an eyebrow raised.

"Yeah" he said shortly.

"Then why didn't you show up at the library yesterday? I waited for you." He looked up at her

"I forgot, sorry"

"You forgot? You never forget. Look if you have gotten into trouble then you can just tell me-"

"Damit Lily! why do you always have to assume the worst of me? I said I forgot OK" annoyance heavily traced his voice as he gave her an angry look.

"I didn't mean it to sound that way its just that Dumbledore calling you out of class must have been for a reason and I've been watching you and you don't seem normal." She said in a firm voice, evidently not disarmed by his faulting patience with her.

"Well I told you it was nothing-" he was cut off by the sudden appearance of a pretty fourth year Slytherin girl. Her blonde hair was tied neatly to the side which showed off her rosy checks, plump lips, and deep blue eyes.

"Severus Snape?" she questioned him. They both turned to her sharply in annoyance at her disruption but she seemed un-frazzled by their unwelcoming behavior. She looked the tall boy in the eyes, waiting for a response.

"Yes?" he hissed at her. She pulled out a sealed parchment and handed it to him.

"I was told to give this to you by the headmaster." Then she turned and walked away without even a glance back. Lily looked at the parchment and then at Severus before she grabbed him firmly by the hand and lead him into an empty classroom.

"What does he want and don't say "nothing"" she asked as she looked the door to the classroom behind her. Severus opened the parchment and read it quickly before handing it to her. She took it quietly and read.

_Severus,_

_I wanted to inform you that my offer to grant you a leave of absence is still available if you happen to change your mind. Additionally, if you should happen to need anything or wish to talk I am here._

_Dumbledor. _

Lily pursed her lips as if she were trying to decipher an ancient text. "What does he mean by this, why would he grant you a leave of absence?"

"In case I want to go home this weekend. He shouldn't have bothered I told him it wasn't necessary." He replied casually as she took a seat in the large oak chair behind the matching teachers' desk.

"Why would he think you would want to or need to go home?" she asked.

"To attend a funeral" he said with the same air of indifference.

"A funeral? Whose?"

"My mothers" Lily's jaw plummeted but she quickly recovered composer and tried to digest this new information. Could she have misheard what he said? Was it a joke? She looked at him and although he tried to seem indifferent she could see truth in his dark eyes. No he wasn't lying this was the miserable truth.

"What happened" she said softly as she walked up and took a seat atop the desk in front of him.

"My dad pushed her down the stairs when they were fighting. Muggle authorities have him in custody." he said flatly as he stared at his old shoes. Lily had to fight to maintain a clear head. What Severus had just told her was terrible yet he said it as if he didn't care, as if it had happened to someone else.

"How are you feeling?" she said as she reached out to touch him. He flicked her hand away.

"I'm fine. I don't care. She deserved what she got"

"You don't mean-"

"yes I do!" He said angrily through his teeth as he looked up at her. Rage defined the features of his face and Lily shrank back for a second.

"No you don't" she said firmly once she had recovered from the shock of his expression.

"Yes I do! She was a Witch yet she let a muggle kill her. She let him do it to her, she could have fought back but she let him. For years she let him and now she's dead just like she deserves to be!…Why is it so bad that I don't care what happens to her when she NEVER cared about me?" Lily stared at his face contorted by rage as he yelled at her and it scared her but more then anything it saddened her. The tears he would not allow himself to shed flowed freely from her eyes as she looked at her poor friend. He was controlled by a vicious rage at his mother because she had not cared and now she was dead. Lily reached out again and tried to brush the hair from his face but he flicked her hand away.

"Stop it! I told you I'm fine" He said. She reached out again and again he pushed her away. "I said stop it!" She didn't hear him or didn't care as she reached out more forcefully and pulled his head against her chest in a firm embrace. Sev, struggled to free himself at first but she held tight and he gave, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her closer to him so that she was at the very edge of the desk and he leaned in form his chair. His body trembled in dry and silent sobs as he pulled her against him, allowing her warmth to wash over his anguish. "Why? Why didn't she care about me? For years I tried to make her love me but she couldn't at least not like she loved him. If she would have been a mother to me she would have left him, would not have allowed him to hurt us but she couldn't she couldn't leave him at least not for me." He sighed into her chest as she pet his head.

"Shhh" she cooed "She wiped her tears from her face and then forced Severus to look up at her. She cupped his face in her hands. She couldn't help but see the face of a pained child and her hear ached for him. She said these next words with all the conviction she could master.

"She was weak Sev, she was too weak to be a proper mother but you must not blame her now that she is dead. You must forgive her and know that everything will be OK because I am here for you and I AM NOT WEAK I AM STRONG and I love you." With that she kissed the top of his forehead and pulled him in towards her again in an embrace as she rocked him softly like a child. Her arms curled around him protectively and her heart beat forcefully with the strength and love that his mother had been to weak to give.

**Authors note: I feel this chapter is important because I think it helps explain why Snape is sort of drawn to the death eaters and why he feels resentment towards muggles, which I hope to use later in the story. Sorry it took so long to upload but the next one should be up quicker. **


	4. Chapter 4

**Authors note: Ok so this is the longest chapter by far but i couldn't bring myself to break it up so in order to keep it together I tried to keep it as short. As a result I feel it may seem a bit summed up in some parts or not descriptive enough so I apologize for that. regardless I hope you enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter and this chapter is rated NC-17. **

It had been a week since his breakdown in the classroom and although, his relationship with Lily was unchanged Severus found that he had become more aware of his friend and her femininity, which now seemed to flow from her in waves that would wrap themselves around him, strangling him. Severus had long ago acknowledged his hidden love for Lily but the intimacy they had shared ignited a new element in his adoration for his best friend: Passion. He now found that he desired her more then anything; every breath that was close enough to warm his skin, every whiff of her flowery hair, every graze of her skin on his knotted his insides into a fiery fist, knocking his hearts rhythm off tune while sending a crimson fever to his face. He needed control. Passion however, was a fierce beast that would not allow itself to be tamed like Love had. Severus, unable to tame the beast deemed it best to keep his distance until he learned to master his emotions, learned to hide them behind his dark eyes. It was a Saturday morning and Severus took advantage of the fact that most students were still rising from sleep to enjoy the solitude of his thoughts on the lawn. He heard strangled curses coming from the lake and made his way over to find a familiar looking blonde girl at the edge of the water kicking the ground beneath her in frustration. She was unaware of his presence as she pointed her wand at a nearby log which would twitch, shrink, enlarge, or change color with every flick of her wand but would not do what she wanted, he reasoned from the look of annoyance that crossed her face with every unintended change. She flicked her wand and a red spark shot at the log which sent it flying towards her, violently shoving her into the water. Severus would have found the situation extremely amusing if it wasn't that he noticed that the girl did not come back up for air.

"Just great." He mumbled to himself angrily as he removed his shoes and robe to follow her into the water. When he pulled her out he noticed that she was unconscious but she coughed out water until her breathing steadied. He left her by the edge of the water and went to retrieve his shoes and robe. He put on his shoes and walked back to the unconscious girl lying at the edge of the water. He looked down at her and laughed quietly, her wet robes clung to her body and he couldn't help but notice her amazing body. She had large breast that rose and fell with her breathing and a thin waist which was further accented by her well rounded hips. Her pink lips parted and he could see the white mist of her breath in the cold morning air. He blushed heavily as he threw his robe over her before he lifted her into his arms all the while wondering what Lily would look like in the same situation.

He was late for breakfast and barely managed to scarf down some buttered toast. After he had dropped off the girl with Madame Pomfrey he had rushed down to the dungeons to shower and change, angry that he had forgotten his best robe with girl in the infirmary. After breakfast he sat with a book at the base of a tree and allowed the now present sun to wash over him. He heard familiar giggles and turned to see Lily walking in the opposite direction with some of her Gryffindor friends. He admired the way her red hair danced in the wind and smiled at her as she waved hello. When he could no longer see her in the distance he returned to his book and immersed himself in it for thirty minutes before he felt a body take a seat next to him. _Lily must have come back_ he thought to himself as he finished the page he was reading before he looked over at the body next to him. He was surprised to find blue eyes intently staring at him instead of green, it was the girl from the lake. She smiled at him and held out a bag. He raised a dark eyebrow before he took the bag and found his forgotten robe neatly folded and washed inside. He put it to the side and returned to his book without a word. He leisurely finished the chapter yet, fully aware that the girl had not left his side. He slammed his book shut and put it down in annoyance.

"Is there anything else?" he asked.

"I wanted to thank you" she said undisturbed by his hostility.

"You've thanked me, you can go now" he said as he rolled his eyes. She smiled at him

"Are you always this hostile Severus?" she asked.

"How do you know my name?" She chuckled in response to his question.

"For one thing we're in the same house-"

"I thought you looked familiar" he interrupted. She rolled her eyes.

"For another I gave you a message from Dumbledore last week" Snape nodded in recognition. "And lastly your name was on your robe. Thanks for lending it to me by the way."

"I get it, it was a silly question" he said defensively. She smiled again and he remembered how enticing her pink lips had looked in the morning. He blinked and looked away.

"My name is Eden by the way" she said as she held out a hand for him to shake. He reluctantly did so and she looked down at his hands curiously. "Listen about this morning…do you think we could keep it to ourselves? Its kind of embarrassing." He laughed loudly at the memory as she pursed her lips.

"You did look like a bloody fool" he said "what were you trying to do anyway, working on homework or something?"

"As if I would have to work so hard for an assignment, no, sometimes I like to experiment with spells of my own but that particular one is giving me a hard time. If I manage to perfect it I'll show it to you." Severus nodded in agreement, he was aware of the frustration creating spells can bring.

"So that's why you where on your own so early in the morning?" he asked curiously.

"Yup, I needed to be alone although I'm lucky I wasn't" she said as she her light blue eyes met his dark ones. "So what were you doing out there?"

"Just thinking" he said lazily leaning back on the trunk of the tree in a slouch.

"You're a very pensive person" she said. Severus gave her a questioning look, "I like to observe people" she said flatly.

"And you have observed me?" he asked.

"Briefly, and I have concluded that you're a very strange person, you don't really like to socialize and even with your friends Avery and Mulciber, you seem separate."

"Well no one is forcing you to stay here" he snapped but she ignored his comment.

"Listen I consider myself an independent person and I don't like owing favors. You saved my life so that means I owe you a BIG favor and I intend to repay it."

"How do you plan to do that?" he asked lazily. She shrugged her shoulders.

xxx

The next day she sat next to him at dinner, ignoring a group of Slytherins who called her to the other side of the table. She only smiled at them and motioned towards Snape, Avery looked at her hungrily and tried to talk to her but she ignored him.

"What do you want?" Snape asked her, annoyed at his Avery's attempts to get the girls attention.

"Dinner" she said as she bit into her pasta.

"But why are you sitting here?"

"Because of your charming and warm personality" he wasn't amused by her answer "why can't I? besides I owe you a favor remember?"

"So what's your brilliant plan to follow me around the rest of my life?" he growled.

"Or until I repay the favor" she chided.

"Fuck off" he said. She narrowed her eyes at him in annoyance and said "no."

Xxxxx

After dinner Lily caught up to Severus who was walking towards the dungeons.

"Sev!" She called out to him. He turned and waited for her to reach him. Lily was surprised when the pretty blonde girl who was standing next to him turned as well. She looked at her and smiled; the blonde returned the smile but said nothing.

"Do you think you can help me with my homework tonight?" she asked.

"I can meet you in the Library in an hour" he said. The girl next to him interrupted

"Can I come?" she asked. Lily looked at her in surprise.

"Um… we are going to be working on homework and your not in our year" she replied.

"I know but I can work on my own thing" she said. Lily hesitated but Sev answered before she could.

"Alright" he said grudgingly. Although, he didn't like the idea of his new annoyance he liked the idea of making a fool of himself alone with Lily even less.

When Lily arrived at the Library she found the blonde sitting across the table from Sev. They both had their books out and the blonde had already made a significant dent in her workload.

"Hey she whispered" as she took her seat next to her best friend. She looked over at the girl in front of them who smiled at her and extended her arm.

"I'm Eden by the way" Lily took her hand.

"Lily" she mumbled.

Eden had finished her assignments before the other two but she chose to sit and observe them while she pretended to read her DADA book. She was certain that Snape would have been finished as well if it wasn't that he had to keep stopping to explain things to the redhead next to him. She observed how he would blush every time she came too close to him and smirked. _Oh, its one of THOSE friendships_ she thought to herself. Still she couldn't help but be impressed by how intelligent he was and although he wasn't necessarily handsome he was certainly not ugly. His sharp features were attractive in a way and as she looked down at his rough hands she couldn't help but blush a little, he certainly had some very sexy features. She looked up so that she could observe the "couple" together. Although, they were clearly still in the just friends stage she could tell that Lily was defiantly responsive to Snape and she estimated that it was only a matter of time before they moved passed the friends stage. In a way they made an attractive couple, her bright cheeriness contrasted with his dark somberness and she softened him. _Lily will be good for him_ she thought to herself as she packed her belongings and excused herself from the table, giving them some time alone.

Xxxxxxx

That Thursday Severus took a walk alone on the grounds contemplating his week. Eden had become a constant presence in his life, constantly following him around and although we still thought of her as a nuisance her presence meant that he was able to see Lily more without having to worry about being alone with her, at lest if Eden wouldn't suddenly disappear and leave them alone, as she sometimes did. All together though he had to admit that she wasn't that bad to have around, she was intelligent and opinionated, characteristics he admired in Lily, and he was beginning to see her as friend. He was suddenly jolted from his thoughts as he felt his body shoot up into the air. He heard the loud snickers behind him and cursed himself for not being more carful. It had been quiet lately and he had forgotten to be weary of Potter and his band of delinquents. He reached for his wand.

"Expelliarmus" and his wand was invisibly yanked from his hand and his body crashed head first into the ground before it was lifted up again. "Don't even think about it Snivillus" Potter cried as Peter went to retrieve Snape's wand from the ground.

"Put me down!" he roared, coating his voice with all the loathing he could master.

"Sure" Potter shrugged as Severus felt his body come crashing down into the ground again only to be lifted up once more. Blood flowed heavily from his now broken nose and his face began to swell from the impact. The boys roared in laughter and Peter skipped around Potter asking him to do it again. Potter obeyed and Severus felt a sharp pain take hold of his body as he once more crashed into the ground.

"Well look at that James! Who knew the Greasy gitt could bleed red like the rest of us? I was sure his blood would be green or a sickly yellow color to match the grease in his hair" Sirius called from the side lines as Potter made Severus's body turn slowly so that he could examine the color of his blood. Severus felt his lip tremble in anger.

"Yeah what do you know? But look at that I think he is about to cry" the boy's laughed at Severus's trembling lip and Sev made himself stop immediately. "Hey maybe he still bleeds red but his tears will defiantly be grease" James called over his shoulder to Sirius.

"You think so?" Sirius replied in mock curiosity.

"Only one way to find out" James grinned as he sent Severus crashing into the ground so savagely that Sev felt as if every bone in his body would break. He only saw black and could only hear their laughter echo around him but he fought to stay conscious, too stubborn to let them have that victory over him. Suddenly they went quiet and Severus struggled to regain his sight. When he did he saw Eden standing off to the side staring sternly at his attackers.

"What can I do for you?" Sirius asked as he looked at the pretty blond, he licked his lips as he looked her up and down and then gave her a sheepish grin. She ignored him and looked at Severus's bloody face. She said nothing as she pulled a handkerchief out of her pocket and kneeled beside Severus. "Honey we're not done with him yet" Sirius said as he moved to pull her away. She turned to them and spoke in a calm and static voice.

"I suggest you leave now because I called for professor McGonagall and she should be here soon" with that she calmly looked back at Severus and continued to gently wipe the blood off his face.

"Is she serious" they whispered to themselves. "I don't want to stick around and find out" Lupin piped in as he turned to leave. The boys turned to follow but stopped when they heard Eden call out "Wait."

"Tell that Worm y fellow there to give him back his wand" she said pointing to Peter who dropped it immediately as if it burned his hand. Sirius picked it up and handed it to Eden with a grin "You shouldn't waste your time with him" he said while Severus gave him the most venomous glare he could master, unable to say anything because he was still too busy coughing up blood.

"What can I say, we snakes stick together" she said flatly. Sirius's grin widened and he saluted her goodbye.

"See you later Honey" he said as he turned to join his anxious friends. When they had gone she turned back to Severus who was still spiting out blood through his missing teeth.

"Are you OK?" she asked worry lining her face. He snatched the handkerchief from her and began to clean himself up.

"I could have handled them on my own" he growled.

"Yeah, I can see that" she said as she took the handkerchief back and cleaned his face. "Dam it! They make me mad. I wanted to send curses flying at them but I knew it wouldn't help. Hell it took all my will power just to remain calm" she said when she had finished cleaning him and saw the purple swelling on his face. "Your nose is broken, let me help you get to the infirmary" she said.

"I can handle a broken nose" he replied as he retrieved his wand from her hand and pointed it at his face. She smirked as his face cleared itself of the swelling and his nose returned to its proud stance on his face.

"Looks like you're an expert at healing yourself"

"Well unfortunately this is not the first time Potter and his gang of Toerags decide to attack me." He heard her sigh at his side then she got up and pulled him along with her. "Lets go to dinner" she said.

They took their usual seats at the Slytherin table, which for Eden was regrettably close to Avery, who was still determined to get her attention.

"You repaid you debt so you don't have to continue hanging around me" Severus said. She looked at him before replying.

"Does my presence really bother you that much?" she asked. He was silent a moment then he looked her sternly in the eye and said "Yes." But the slight smile that twitched for freedom at the corner of his mouth gave him away and she smiled. She leaned in and whispered in his ear "GOOD, besides you saved my life and I chased some… what did you call them?... Toerags away, you can't really say I've repaid my debt to you." He rolled his eyes but he seemed to like the response. Just then Eden spotted Lily spying at them from the Gryffindor table, evidently curious to see why she and Severus where whispering to each other, _interesting_ she thought as she leaned in closer to Severus. " I have an idea that will make us equal" she whispered "I'll help you get together with Lily" she felt Severus stiffen and he began to open his mouth "Don't deny it, I like to observe people remember and it is as clear as day that you have a thing for her"

"Lily is my friend" he whispered.

"I know that is why I am going to make you guys more then friends"

"She doesn't see me that way" he said. She rolled her eyes _could he really be that clueless?_

"She will, so what do you say do you want my help?" He took a bite of his pumpkin pie, the whipped cream that got on his finger went unnoticed. He finally turned back to Eden and nodded his head in agreement; she smiled and glanced back at the Gryffindor table to make sure that Lily was still watching.

"Lets start now" she said as she reached for Severus' hand, bringing his finger to her lips and slowly licking the cream off his delicious fingers. The look on his face was of utter shock and she smiled and whispered in his ear "relax I'm only teasing." Some of the Slytherins sitting around them snickered, Avery gasped and stared angrily at Snape but the most important person, Eden noticed, had turned as red as her hair and looked away.

Xxxxxx

The weeks flew by and although, Eden's preoccupation with Severus's love life was defiantly work she had to admit that it was fun. She enjoyed spending time with him and now considered him a friend, even Lily on occasion was pleasant company. Severus thought that all she did was advise him on what to do and say but Eden also used herself to make Lily jealous, hoping that Lily would stop dwindling on the side lines and act on her feelings for her friend. Eden knew that on some level Lily was aware of the feelings she had for Sev, and of the feelings he had for her but she refused to act on them which was puzzling to her. Either Lily's feelings weren't that strong or she was too scarred to act. Whatever the case may be Eden thought that making her jealous would force her to act and hopefully yield happy results. Whenever, Lily was in sight Eden would purposely get too close to Severus, clinging on him with adoration forcing Lily to come and interrupt and Eden would magically disappear leaving the two alone.

The three of them were walking down the hall, Lily had her arm locked with Sev's and she was leaning on him heavily as they walked. _They are getting mighty cozy, now would be a good time to go_ Eden thought to herself but there was a pain in the pit oh her gut that kept her there, that screamed that it wasn't the right time yet so she lingered and watched. Lily chuckled at Sev's foolish stammers; he was so captivated by Lily's sultry whispers that he was acting _like a dog with its tongue out_ she thought. Lily chuckled again as she leaned over to Sev, and gave him a lingering kiss on the point where his Jaw met his neck which caused Severus to drop the book he was holding and stumble when he reached down to pick it up. _Now_, she thought to herself as the knot in her stomach snapped and she reached out and grabbed Sev's hand.

"Severus we should head back to the common rooms and put our books down before dinner. See you later Lily" she said as she pulled him towards the dungeons leaving Lily gapping behind them. When they where well out of sight Eden pulled them into a deserted corridor.

"Thanks" Severus said as he placed his things on the ground and leaned against the wall "Agh I'm such an idiot I totally ruined it back there… I'm just happy you saved me before I made a total ass of myself" He sighed.

"Yeah that was defiantly idiotic behavior, lucky I was there" she agreed as she approached him. "Severus you know how I said I would help you with Lily" she waited for his nod in response "Well I changed my mind" she said as she kissed him firmly on the lips. He stood there stiff as a board, his lips pressed firmly together as Eden ran her delicate hands up his arms. He turned his head away, separating their lips and she continued to his jaw line and neck.

"What are you doing he stammered"

"mmmm kissing you" she hissed into his ear

"I can see that but why" he said pushing her away. She didn't like that and pressed herself closer against him, her breast pressed against his chest.

"Because I want to" she hissed again as she resumed to trail kisses along his neck

"I thought you where going to help me with Lily" he gasped as the tip of her tongue played with his adam's apple.

"I told you I changed my mind" she whispered as she led his hand along her waist where it rested lifelessly.

"Why" he asked in a half moan.

"Because I want you" she murmured as she reclaimed his lips, he held them shut again and tried to push her away.

"I don't understand" he said when he managed to pull himself away from her. Once more she was angered by his actions reclaimed his lips more fiercely then before, trailing her tongue along them trying to get them to part as she ran her hand up his chest between them.

"What is there to understand? I'm attracted to you and I want you" she said when his lips wouldn't budge. She could feel the erratic thumping of his heart under her palm and hear his heavy breathing by her ear. "I'm not a fool" she continued "I'm not saying I love you or anything but I have realized that I like you a lot and I am very attracted to you and YOU obviously want me" she said as she brought her knee up between his legs to graze his forming erection. "Just think of it as practice for Lily" she said.

"Stop" he growled as he pushed her away.

"No" she replied as she pressed herself against him once more, running her hand around his neck and grasping his hair firmly. She pushed his head toward her and kissed him savagely. When he refused to grant her tongue access she bit him firmly on his bottom lip, forcing him to part them. She slid her tongue in his mouth and explored every cavern, savoring the taste of him, savoring the slight tint of his blood that fell from his lip. Initially he was unresponsive but his kiss quickly became as aggressive as hers as his tongue now explored her. He grabbed her firmly by the waist with one hand and grabbed the back of her platinum hair with the other, trying to bring her closer to him, enjoying the feel of her breast against his chest. When that wasn't close enough he roughly pulled her by the waist and slammed her against the wall so that he was hovering over her. She moaned into his mouth and wrapped her arms around his neck.

They never made it down to dinner.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: As always I own nothing **

He reluctantly released her hair and broke their kiss.

"We should go back to the common room before someone comes looking for us" he gasped out into her hair. She only nodded in agreement, trying to pull her weight off the wall behind her. Severus pulled back and admired how enticing her flushed face was. He brushed his lips against hers and walked away, leaving her to follow. Eden found that her escapade with Severus had done nothing to strengthen their relationship; contrarily he was now more reclusive then before. Initially she tried to ignore his behavior, tried to pass it off as her imagination but she couldn't deny it, she realized that it needed to be done, she needed to have a "talk" with Severus. Eden chased him down the hall after dinner, her blond waves flowing freely behind her as she reached out for him.

"Severus, will you please stop avoiding me" she said as she planted herself in his path, blocking all escape.

"What are you talking about?" he mumbled, his eyes gazing at their surroundings.

"You ARE avoiding me so please don't try and avoid it. I know this is about what happened between us last night." She observed as he twitched at the recollection, she was stepping on eggshells and she had to be careful about how she would proceed. "What are you worried about? Are you afraid I'll tell Lily?" his onyx eyes flicked up at her briefly before he shifted them away again. The act should have been too fast to notice but Eden saw it and the tightening of her heart verified what it meant. _You shouldn't be surprised you know how he feels_, she reasoned with her self.

"What happened, I'm sorry I didn't mean to lead you on…what I mean to say is that, well you know how feel about-" Eden cut him off quickly, unwilling to hear the rest.

"Look, its not like I think we are dating now or anything I know what last night meant but maybe you don't. We kissed that's it; there is nothing wrong with what we did so don't be sorry and don't feel guilty" he finally looked at her as she continued. "You are not dating Lily so it's not like you cheated on her or anything and I know how you feel at the moment so I won't give myself any false illusions."

"Don't say it like that Eden, its not like it meant nothing to me. I DO like you but not the-"

"The way you like Lily" she said cutting him off once more. He nodded with a heavy look of guilt lining his face. She smiled "I'm happy you said that because it brings me to my next point. Although, I know things haven't changed between us it doesn't mean that I don't want them to. I will win you over Severus because I like you and you like me a whole lot more then you think you do its just that you haven't realized it yet but don't worry you'll realize it soon" She said with a broad smile at the tease. She felt a surge of pleasure travel through her body as she observed his crimson flush, she had an affect on him and that was definitely a good start.

"Eden I need time to digest this all, to think" he finally replied. She leaned over and gave him a chaste kiss, so quick it went unnoticed by everyone around them.

"That's fine, if you need time you can have it but just don't take too long because I'll be waiting" she said as she walked away.

xXxXx

_I know I said I'd give him time but how much time can he need?_ Eden thought to herself as she entered the great hall for dinner. _It has been a week already and all I get are cheap conversations and we are never alone anymore. This is harder then I thought it would be I guess I didn't realize how much I would miss him._ She took a seat next to her friends, luckily just a few feet from where he sat, and let out a loud sigh. Her friends chatted away besides her and she tried to join them but she couldn't help but look over at him every couple of minutes and sometimes, she was pleasantly surprised, found him looking at her to but when their eyes met he would quickly look away and she was left staring at the back of his head. _That's it!_ She thought with quick resolution as she quietly rose from her chair and walked over to him.

"I miss you Severus" she whispered in his ear as she leaned over behind his chair and ran her hand down his arm to meet his hand. He jumped at her sudden appearance, relaxed, and then stiffened when he felt her proximity. Severus hesitated slightly but took her hand in his, the heat their hands emitted seemed to travel all over her body and she just barley prevented herself from taking in a sharp breath that would give her away. _Be cool_, she thought to herself_, it's just a hand it's not a big deal just relax and don't lose your cool_. He turned to face her slightly and Eden noticed that the mark on his lip where she had bitten him was nearly invisible and her heart ached at the realization. The week without him had been hard. Sometimes she would think that the kiss they had shared was only a fantasy but the mark on his lip was an assurance, a reminder that her kiss with Severus had been real and she would take comfort in that testament. But if the mark disappeared she was afraid that her comfort and her hope would disappear with it. "I wish you wouldn't make me wait so long" she sighed at his side, still leaning over the back of his chair.

"I'm sorry" he replied.

"Do you miss me even a little?"

"I miss you a lot but it's hard for me" he said in a pleading whisper, begging for her to understand and she did. Eden looked back at the fading mark on his lip and craved to run her fingertips over it but resisted and chose to tease him a little instead.

"The mark on your lip is fading" she whispered into his ear "I wish I could kiss you again. Sometimes I dream about it" He hitched his breath and then gently squeezed her hand. _What does that mean? _She debated with herself as she walked back to her seat. _Does he think about it too? Does he want to kiss me again? Why does this have to be so complicated? _

xXxXx

They where alone in a corner of the library, her freckled shoulder brushing against his arm every time she would impatiently shift in her seat.

"Would you relax" he teased her as he brushed his dark her behind his ears.

"I'm just anxious" she replied as she put her quill down and looked into his onyx eyes. They where not the classic definition of beauty and didn't hold the warmth her green eyes did, but they were mysterious and charming in their own way. "So I haven't seen much of Eden recently" she said in an attempt to distract him and it seemed to have worked because he shifted immediately, obviously uncomfortable.

"She's around" he said simply.

"But not like before" she countered "did you guys get in a fight or something?"

"No, it's just that the OWLS start next week and she probably figures we need time to study" he said. She raised a questioning eyebrow at his response but chose to ignore it.

"Do you know if she is interested in Sirius Black?" she asked

"Why would she be interested in a delinquent like Sirius Black?" he snapped.

"Because the Gryffindor girls are furious at her, they say she's done something to him to make him like her." She replied coolly.

"Yeah well the way I hear it is that he keeps following her around like the dog he is and she always turns him away!" he replied harshly as his hands fisted next to him. It was true that Sirius Black had been blatantly chasing after Eden ever since she had helped Severus when they where harassing him but she ignored his advances and saw them more of nuisance rather then the honor Sirius intended them to be. Lily glared at Severus, clearly annoyed at his response to her question.

"Maybe, but you don't have to get so testy about it. You would think you're in LOVE with her or something" she said in the coldest tone her voice could master.

"You know I'm not in love with her" he mumbled as he looked down at the table.

"And how would I know that?" she spat. Severus was silent for a moment and then looked up at her with the sad eyes that pulled at her heart.

"Do you really have to ask that?" he said "why do you pretend like you don't know how I feel?" it looked like tears where struggling to form and Lily's heart beat furiously against her chest, angry that she had hurt him. She reached out to take his hand in hers.

"What are you talking about Sev?"

"Forget it" he said as he motioned to take his hand back but, she held on tight. Something in her gut told her to let it go, to let him brush it off but she continued anyway.

"No Sev, I want to know what you are talking about" he brought her hand up to his lips and softly kissed them all. His kisses were like feathers against her skin; she closed her eyes and enjoyed the sensation.

"Why do you pretend like you don't know I love you?' he whispered into her palm. The soft wards snapped her out of her haze like a bucket of cold water poured over a sleeping drunk.

"What are you-" she began but then fell silent. He was right she did know but she chose to ignore it so that she could pretend that she wasn't hurting him, she was selfish. "Oh Sev" she began again as she rose from her seat and embraced him. "I love you, I really do. You are my best friend but being together romantically…I'm just not sure" her tears touched his skin like ice. He pulled away form her and she began to kiss him tentatively on the lips. When he tried to deepen the kiss she pulled away from him.

"Please don't" she whispered. "I like you Sev, but I'm not sure how strong my feelings for you are and until I'm sure I don't want to jeopardize our friendship" she said as she brushed the back of her hand against his face. He leaned into her touch. "I just need some time O.K" _great more time, everyone seems to be in need of that nowadays _he thought to himself. "I'm tired so I better go but I'll see you tomorrow in potions" she said with a final kiss on his cheek before she left him.

The potions class was more quite then usual as all the students found themselves in a bout of serious determination; the approaching examines wiping away distraction. Lily sat next to Severus as usual and acted as if nothing had happened between them. Although, part of him was happy that his long withheld confession had not torn them apart another part of him was raging at the unvarying relationship. He wanted to move forward, she had said that she liked him but wasn't sure how "strong" her feelings were, whatever that meant. He thought of Eden and guilt flooded his soul, maybe he did know what that meant, maybe he did understand Lily's confusion_. I just have to be patient,_ he told himself. He thought of Eden and how patient she was with him and he found himself admiring her strength._ No, it is not the same situation. I know I like Eden but I desperately love Lily and that's the difference_. There was no confusion in his feelings, unlike Lily who was unsure of how she felt. He was torn away from his thoughts when he felt something burn under his feet and found a firecracker, itching to explode below him. He jumped slightly and quickly put it out with a flick of his wand. He heard the boasting laughter from the back of the room and knew instantly that it was one of Potters little gags. _Well that certainly wasn't very creative_ he thought to himself without as much as a look back at his aggressors. Severus had perfected the disarmament of firecrackers and other cheap gags by the second year which had caused the band of toerags to move on to harsher exercises. He could feel their stares and hear their snickers but ignored them nonetheless. It's so typical for them to be the only ones up to such petty pranks while everyone else is stressing over O.. He felt Lily snicker besides him and turned questioningly toward her. She motioned towards the dead firecracker and then back at Potter who had his hand in his hair and a grin on his face. The look in her green eyes was mischievous and taunting. He smiled, knowing that she was most likely thinking the same thing he was. She reached over and placed a warm palm on the back of his hand. He stared at it for a while before he turned his hand so that their palms faced each other and their fingers interlocked. He then brought their hands up, elbows on the table so that their joined hands where in clear view. Severus gave her a boastful look, a grin on his face as he watched her green eyes stare at the simplicity of their joined hands. She looked up at him and was slightly embarrassed by the clear message in his expression, a knowing look that told her _"You see how well we fit together, how natural we are?_" She blushed a shade redder then her hair and released his hand, folding her hands together on her lap and shifting her gaze towards the table. Severus however, smiled triumphantly with the knowledge that he could have such an effect on her. Although, the action would mean nothing to anyone else it said something about them and Severus knew for certain for the first time ever that he had a shot with Lily, that he could make her his. He was so engrossed in his happiness that he failed to notice the complete silence that had crept over the classroom, the snickering sounds of deviant Gryffindor's included.

**Authors Note: I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. **


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I Don't own Harry Potter and ***this chapter contains some racy material, its not very graphic so I think the T rating is fine but just wanted to give a warning so if t makes you slightly uncomfortable you can skip the end of this chapter******

**A/N: sorry I have been so slow on the update but I got busy. Anyway this weekend was pretty productive, as I got two chapters up (this story and another one), and I think I have a better idea for where this story is headed. The next chapter should be up pretty soon, hopefully by the end of this week.**

The bright fire extend a warm glow in the otherwise cold dungeon common room. He slumped heavily against an emerald chair, his coal like eyes staring aimlessly at the flickering light, its crackles the only sound heard in the early morning. 3:00 AM and he sat alone with the miserable company of his thoughts and regrets. A soft shuffle coming from the stairwell caught his attention. He turned and was surprised by the figure that emerged. He had flippantly asked for death but would have never expected an angel to deliver him from his foolish depression. The angel, as he had first thought, didn't seem to notice him as she took a seat in the adjacent couch and flipped her bare feet over the arm rest. It was no wonder he had first mistaken her for an angel, her golden hair curled delicately against her soft features, calling attention to her azure eyes, like gems of light. She wore a long white night gown that bolstered the heavenly image. He cleared his throat and she shrieked dropping the book that she had began to read.

"I'm sorry I just didn't see you there" she said once she had regained her breath and calmed her nerves. "I couldn't sleep so I figured I might as well do something productive to pass the time" she said as she motioned to the book she had recovered from the floor. Her companion remained silent so she continued. "Severus" she began tentatively "I heard what happened with you and Potter… and then what you called Lily" his jaw locked but he remained silent. She watched him soundlessly for a moment before she decided to continue. "I am not going to say that it wasn't that bad because honestly sweetie you screwed up but just because this whole thing is a big mess-"

"Is that supposed to make me feel better" he interrupted.

"Firstly, let me finish and secondly, no it's not necessarily supposed to make you feel better I am just calling it like I see it." She took a breath and continued. "Just because you made a big mess of things doesn't mean that the mess can't be cleaned up. You can fix things with Lily, she loves you and I'm sure that once she cools her head she will forgive you." She got up and stood behind his seat, placing her hands at his shoulders and rubbing out the knots. "Have you tried talking to her?" she asked hesitantly.

"You think I haven't?" he spat out heatedly. She froze for a second but continued slowly.

"And what did she say?"

"She blew me off. Evidently Potter and his friends are more noble then I, more important"

"I'm sure she didn't mean that, she's just angry." She spread the pressure from his shoulders to his back, kneading out the knots and smoothing out the tight muscles.

"How would you know" he spat.

"I get that you're upset but don't get angry at me" she scolded "and I know a lot more then you give me credit for. I saw how the two of you interacted and you both obviously care a lot about each other, Lily is not dumb enough to let you go."

"Yeah well she doesn't care about me anymore so she's not just "letting me go" as you phrase it but PUSHING me away."

"Trust me Severus she still cares about you."

"How would you-"

"Because" she interrupted "I know what its like to care about you and its' not so easy to stop…even if you want to." She let out a sigh and continued in a reassuring tone. "You just need to be persistent and she'll come around and if you need any help or just someone to talk to then I'm here for you." He grabbed her arm and pulled her around the chair so that she was now facing him.

"Why are you doing this?" he asked.

"You looked tense" she replied shortly.

"That's not what I meant"

"I don't know I guess I just don't like to see you so upset" she said as she looked away. Severus tugged at her arm to call her attention.

"But I thought you liked me, why would you want to help me makeup with Lily when you know I love her?"

"Because I'm a masochist" she mused. He raised an un-amused eyebrow and she continued. "I know that it will make you happy and the "you and me" thing can come after this whole mess is cleared up." Severus intertwined their fingers and stared at them.

"You really care about me don't you?"

"Well aren't you egotistical to th-" but she never go to finish because in a second he had pulled her roughly toward him so that she was now cradled in his lap. His hands held both sides of her face and he was kissing her hungrily, devouring her mouth. She hooked an arm around his neck and entangled needy fingers in his thick dark hair. He released her lips and began to suck on her porcelain neck, leaving foreign marks. He lowered a lacy strap of her light nightgown to access to her shoulder blades. She tightened her hold on his hair as she desperately gasped for air. He ran a hand down the supple curves of her body and began to push her gown up her thigh. She gasped and stilled his hand as she pushed him away.

"Stop Severus" she panted.

"Why don't you want this?" he said in between hungry kisses. She moaned slightly.

"Yes but you don't"

"Yes I do" he growled as he rubbed against her so that she could feel his desire. Again she gasped put pushed him away more forcefully then before.

"Well you don't want me, you want Lily and right now you are just upset and lonely and if we do this tomorrow you are going to regret it."

"No I won't he began" once more trying slip his hand further up her thigh. She pushed him again and scrambled off his lap.

"Yes you will Severus and I deserve much more then this. I care about you but I don't want to be used by you… settle things between you and Lily and if you still want this" she motioned the space between them "then let me know." She turned to leave and he stopped her.

"I'm sorry" he said. She hesitated before she leaned over him and gave him a light kiss on the forehead.

"Its OK she mumbled."

_**A/N*: To address some previous coments, yes this story is a Lily/Snap fic so the plot line is deffinatly centered there but you can't expect me to not have a little fun with the characters first (this includes Eden). Thanks for reading!**_


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter and no copyright infringement is intended. **

**A/N: Warning this chapter is also Eden centric, and I realize some of you maybe like what the hec. but it serves a purpose. Anyway it mixes in Sev and Lily angst, and I feel that sometimes its good to have an outside view of things because in mi opinion main characters are biased. Rest asurred however, the next one will be Snapes and Lily's is the one followings(I have a pretty clear outline in my head for the next two chps.) Well as always I hope you enjoy. **

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Relief and easygoing freedom seemed to overcome the castle. The majority of the students eased as the weight of exams passed and the end of the school term rolled into view. Her friends surrounded her in babbling gossip as they walked through the active grounds. Their chatter was interrupted with a voice that had become unpleasantly familiar over the past two months. Sirius Black approached them casually, as if his presence amongst the group of Slytherins where not only standard but desired, he grinned broadly as he shoved a plump girl aside in order to wrap an arm around Eden's shoulders. She shuck his arm off instantly and motioned to her friends so that they may leave with her but he ignored the hint of his unwanted presence and followed them. She heard loud laughter and cheering whistles behind them and looked over to find Sirius's friends looking on at a distance, evidently amused by their friends' arrogant persistence. He waved at them and smiled as her companions grew tired of his boastful presence and left her to deal with her "stalker" as they put it.

"Finally they get the hint and give us some previously" he said as her friends walked away.

"If only you were at lest half as good at picking up hints" she returned, walking away from him.

"Oh Honey, I'm sorry have I been ignoring your romantic suggestions" he replied, easily matching her quickened pace. "I'll make it up to you this weekend when I take you out." She stopped and faced him frigidly.

"The only thing I want from you is nonexistence. I want you to leave me alone" she retorted.

"We both know you don't want THAT Honey" he said suggestively, leaning against a brick wall on the lawn.

"You need to stop calling me Honey"

"No" he replied "The name suits you, it matches your pretty face" he said as he seized her chin to pull her face up. She pulled away and wiped her chin with the back of her hand to his amusement.

"What do I have to do to get you to leave me alone?"

"Well I can't promise I'll leave you alone but you can agree to go out with me and once you do you'll be so enamored with me that you'll be begging for my company." He said, reaching over to touch the ends of her hair. She slapped his hand away and he chuckled.

"That's one of your biggest problems you think everyone should worship you. You only want me because I don't want you." He eyed her with a twinkle of amusement, unabashed by her accusation.

"I also want you because you're gorgeous" he commented. She rolled her eyes and let out an exasperated sigh as she turned to walk away. He grabbed her and pulled her firmly against him, causing her to shriek, roughly pushing him away.

"Stop touching me!" she shouted, losing her cool for the first time. He was shocked by her reproach but didn't allow his shock to deter his advances.

"It's your fault Honey, why won't you just agree to go out with me and make this easier on both of us?"

"Because, I can't stand arrogant asses who live to torment others" she said regaining her calm composure.

"Honey, I may be persistent but I don't torment you. Don't be such a drama queen."

"I wasn't referring to myself. You and your friends walk around here like you own everything and everyone, intimidating people for your sick amusement."

"I admit that I may tease a little but I would hardly call that "tormenting"" he replied with a roll of his amused eyes, running a hand threw his perfect hair.

"What do you call what you do to Severus Snape?" she asked heatedly. Sirius dropped his hand from his hair instantaneously, now on the defensive.

"Snivilous is different" he began "he deserves everything he gets."

"Why" she interrupted.

"Because!" he said "he's a disease to look at. Besides he hardly counts seeing as he's not really human"

"What makes you think you can put yourself above others?" she asked furiously, losing her trademark cool for the second time. "What makes you so great that you can judge others, decide what they are and aren't. What they do and don't deserve?"

"For a S_lytherin_ you're pretty righteous" he yelled, annunciating the word like a bitter tick he had to spit out of his mouth.

"And you're pretty cowardly for a Gryffindor" she spat. He clenched his jaw in anger and fisted his hands, fighting the urge to punch the wall. _Why is she being to stubborn!_ He thought furiously _and why is that fucking git always a pain in my ass. _

"I'll talk to you when become more reasonable" he finally spat, turning to walk away.

"Do me a favor and don't talk to me" she shouted to his turned back. He backtracked rapidly and pressed her against the wall he had previously leaned on, gripping her chin fiercely, hovering above her.

"If you weren't so dam pretty you wouldn't be worth the effort" he murmured, bringing his lips to hers. He stopped centimeters from her rosy mouth as soon as he felt a sharp pain against his side; she had her wand pressed firmly against him.

"If you don't let go of me this instant I'll obliterate you" she warned in a whisper, her sweet breath caressing his face. He stared quietly at her internally debating whether he should risk the kiss, which becoming more appealing then ever, or let her go. He decided to let her go, knowing her to be too cool tempered to make empty threats.

"I'll see you later Honey" he called as he walked off.

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The causal conversation and warm whisky that trickled down his throat helped sooth the week of built up tension. Eden had convinced him to join her at Hogsmade that weekend, claiming that a distraction from his self loathing would do him good. She sat before him, recounting a humorous anecdote which drew uncensored chuckles from his raspy throat. His momentary distraction was severed however, when his goddess and tormenter walked through the thick wooden doors of the bar, her radiant hair and features dreamlike in their perfection. He felt his heart race in anticipation one moment and be brutally crushed the next when he saw her companion. He led her to the bar in his practiced debonair fashion, smoothly slipping into the seat beside her. Severus's face went sickly pale then green as he observed them. He had said it before in his bitter rants but had never truly believed it, never really believed that she had chosen Potter over him. It was illogical. Lily had always commented on her distaste for Potter and her recent disdain for him shouldn't have altered her feelings for Potter yet, there they were; together. It was illogical yet, perfectly logical simultaneously; he loathed James Potter and what better way for the universe to build upon his wretchedness then to have the one he loved most be with the bearer of his total and static hatred. Eden watched Severus in silence, watched as he drowned his glass of whisky when James wrapped an arm around Lily's waist, watched as he slammed the glass on the table to pour himself another. The clank of the glass against the table caught Lily's attention. She looked over her slender shoulder; her green eyes meet his coal like eyes from across the room. Her green eyes flickered with an unreadable emotion and she shifted in her seat so that Potter's arm fell from her waist. She seemed to reprimand herself for her action and turned back to James instantly, who seemed unaware of her internal conflict. Severus finished off his glass of the amber liquid.

"She is just going to ignore me while she flirts away with him" he said to no one in particular. "She told me she hated him but I guess all that was just an act, she was probably laughing at me the whole time, laughing at my pathetic love for her" he said with a mix of anger and heart breaking despair. Eden reached for his empty hand across the table, takeing it in hers.

"We both know that's not true Severus. I don't know why she is with him now but she really cares for you and she would never laugh at you for loving her." She soothed. He took another long drink of his refilled glass, still looking at the crimson hair that glowed like fire. "Do you want to go" Eden questioned.

"No, we have just as much right to be here and have fun as they do" he answered without varying his gaze. Eden took a swig of her own glass, knowing full well that any prospects of fun for the evening had died the moment Lily had walked in with Potter. Lily glanced back at them timidly every once in a while but would quickly return her attention to James once her eyes met Sev's. James finally became aware of Eden's and Severus's presence and made his advances toward Lily became more daring and apparent, clearly flaunting his new found relationship with Lily. Although Lily did nothing to noticeably subdue him, Eden could see her discomfort and remorse at the anguish James's actions brought Severus. By the time the "couple" left Severus had drunk the entire bottle of whisky and was now stupidly drunk.

"We need to get you some fresh air" Eden said, speaking for the first time since she had asked him if he wanted to leave. He nodded and stumbled as he tried to stand. Eden helped him out the bar, throwing his arm around her shoulder, his weight causing them both to sway with his veered balance.

"Whhere…where are we going?" he asked in between hiccups.

"Someplace where you can sit and sober up some before I try and sneak you back into the school" she said, guiding him to an empty bench. The night air was crisp, and the streets where empty, she enjoyed the calm that came with the cold silence. Severus turned toward her and she struggled to keep him in an upright position, pushing against his chest.

"You are. You are reallllly be. beautiful" he slurred. Although she knew better then to pay much attention to a drunks' words she couldn't help the profound heat that coursed through her body and settled on her cheeks. She was so engrossed in her thoughts that she failed to notice the closing distance between them until his lips were pressed sloppily against hers. He pulled back and ran undirected fingers through her soft curls. "I Love you Lily" he said with more conviction and honesty then Eden would have ever thought possible. Her heart, which had been hammering against her ribcage just milliseconds before, went painfully still.

"I know you do Sev" she said regaining composure and fighting back angry tears.

"Whyyy won't. you talk. tooo me? Why do you push me away for that. For that. that. That-"

"Toerag?" she finished.

"Yeeah"

"We can talk about it later" she soothed as she laid his head on her lap.

"Why Lily?"

"Tomorrow Sev, jus sleep now." She stroked his hair and rocked him gently until he slept. When the alcohol stripped him of his consciousness she spoke again, not as Lily comforting her friend Sev, but as herself.

"You have to stop doing this to me Severus" she whispered, crystal tears flowing freely.

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Once she had deposited Severus's anesthetized body in his bed, she went out to the grounds, seeking solitude and comfort by the lakes edge. She draped a light shawl around her shoulders to combat the chill that frosted the waters edge. Pacing and counting her misty breathes, trying to push all thoughts out of her mind. Her attempts at thoughtless meditation failed however, and left her with no alternative, she gave in, allowing them to wash over her in waves of pain, confusion, and hope. Her mixed emotions found a new store of tears that slowly and silently slid down her pale cheeks. The solitude was short lived however, when she heard a familiar husky voice call out to her.

"Hey Honey, were you waiting for me?" she didn't answer and continued to stare at the moons hazy reflection on the water. She felt him now standing beside her, his hands in his jacket pockets. "So what are you doing out here all alone?"

"Thinking"

"About me?" he grinned. She remained silent. He leaned into her and placed his palm at the small of her back. She sidestepped and let it fall without saying a word.

"Honey, we're out here all alone it's the perfect time to make out." He whispered suggestively, tracing the curls of her hair. He was surprised when she didn't move away. "What no sarcastic reply? Don't tell me you've finally fallen in love with me" he chuckled, stepping in front of her.

"I'm not in the mood to deal with you right now but I would appreciate it if you would PLEASE for once, leave me alone." He looked at her closely for the first time that night and noticed her pale lips, tear stained cheeks and bloodshot eyes. He sucked in a breath.

"Eden what's wrong?" he asked seriously, concern now replacing his trademark confident tone.

"Please just leave."

"You know I never listen, now just tell me what's wrong Eden"

"I really don't want to talk about it but its nothing serious, its stupid really but here I am anyway, it's pathetic." She replied harshly, scolding herself for her behavior.

"Alright" he said "we won't talk about it, I'll just stay out here with you until your ready to go inside" he then placed an arm over her shoulder, bringing her closer to him. She knew she should have shoved it off, scolded his brash behavior, threatened him again but the warmth was too seductive and for the second time that night she gave in. Snuggling as close to him as she would dare, she whispered.

"Don't tell anyone…that you saw me like this."

"What acting nice?"

"No, weak" he raised an eyebrow at her answer.

"It might do you some good to show weakness once in a while, it makes you human." He leaned in, smelling the fresh scent of her hair and tightened his grip on her shoulder. "But I won't tell." He murmured.

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**A/N: I know i haven't even finished the story yet but I reread it and I already want to rework the first couple of chapters (not major plot changes just some editing) anyway If anyone would be interested in betaing those chapters please let me know. Peace and 3. **


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Truth be told, I had given up on this story. Now I'm trying again, let's just see where this all goes.

He had spent the last couple of months drowning in self loathing and depression, his brooding was so thick it could literally suck the air out of a room. Eden was now the only one dumb enough or tough enough to stick around. That morning when he awoke with a harsh hangover and hazy memories of the previous night, of Lily and Potter, he just suddenly snapped. Like the flick of a whip, it was instant, painful, and loud. He was now through with the depression, he was angry. Angry at Lily for abandoning him, for choosing Potter, most likely because she knew about the loathing that festered between them, and for making him feel so weak. He was angry and he wanted answers and today was going to be the day he found them.

xxx

He finally found Lilly walking down a corridor with a group of her Gryffindor friends.

"I need to speak to you Lily," he said as he approached the group, looking directly into her eyes. Not even glancing at her glaring companions.

"I don't have time for this _Severus_," she replied in exasperation. He just stared at her with a steely gaze; it was an expression he had never given her. She gulped and nodded her consent. Without a word he turned his back to her and she silently followed him into a deserted classroom.

"Before you begin to apologize I…"

"I'm not here to apologize Lily" he cut in. "No I am done begging for your forgiveness like some sick pup looking for its mother's milk. No I'm done with that, I brought you here because I demand answers. I demand that you tell me why you are maintaining all this bull shit, why are you _really_ mad Liliy?"

She was initially shocked by his harsh tones, he had never spoken to her like this, had never looked at her with such anger.

"How dare you drag me here and start barking demands at me!" she shouted as she turned to leave. He slammed the door shut just as she was going to open it, and stood before it, forming a barrier of sizzling anger. "Get out of my way," she spat.

"No, not until you explain to me why you are still pretending to be angry."

"Pretending! Ha!….look at my face Sev, I am _not_ pretending anything."

"You know what I'm talking about"

"Oh you mean about the time you humiliated me in front of everyone after I tried to help you. When you called me that vile word…do you really think that it's no big deal, that I can just shrug it off and forget?" He took a deep breath in an attempt to calm himself.

"You think I don't understand how gloriously I fucked up that day? That I don't regret it every second of every day? I know that what I said to you was vile and hurtful, I know it just as surely as you know that I didn't mean it." He took another deep breath before he continued. "You know me better and for longer than anyone else Lily, you know that all those times I came begging for your forgiveness, I meant it. I meant it with everything I have in me. You know that I _love_ you Lily, and that I could never have meant what I said. I was angry and humiliated and you laughed at me in front of Potter. I'm not saying that it makes what I did ok but surely you can understand it?" The anger vanished from his tone and was replaced with hurt. "I just don't understand why, why after knowing all this you choose to ignore me, choosing Potter just to push me further away, why you want to trample everything that ever was between us?"

"What makes you think that I know all this? I have a right to be angry and to date whomever I want. Me and James have nothing to do with you," she said calmly.

"You have a right to be angry but so angry that you will end everything between us? No, that doesn't make any sense Lily," a long silence settled between them before Lily turned away and continued.

"Well I don't need it to make sense to you."

In a flash his anger returned "You know what I think, I think you're afraid, afraid of what was happening between us, afraid of what I felt for you and what you may have been feeling for me. I think that it's easier for you run away, pretend to be angry, and be with some idiot who will never understand you the way I do, than to face me," he practically yelled, his fist clenched tightly at his sides.

"You have no right…"

"I have every right," he interrupted "this concerns me to, in case you've forgotten. Tell yourself whatever you want but we both know, that the distance you are so forcefully creating between us is not because of my fucking mistake, it's because you're weak. You said you loved me remember, in this very room when my mother died you said you loved me, he said motioning the room around them. She took in his gesture with surprise, as If noticing their surroundings for the first time. She looked at her feet, staring intensely as she willed her tears to stay at bay, unwilling to let them fall.

"You're the only family I have left and you are tossing me out just like she did... So what is it Lily? Am I right, are you lying to yourself now because you're too afraid to either reject or accept me as more than a friend or where you lying then when you said that you loved me?" He stepped away from the door, clearing the passage for her escape. They stood in silence for what seemed an eternity, his eyes boring into the top of her red head, as she continued to stare at the floor.

"You can keep running if you'd like Lily, but just know that I'm tired of chasing you," he said as he turned to the door.

"Just so you know I would have never made you choose between having me as a lover and not having me at all. I would have agreed to only being your friend, your family. "With that he turned his back to her and walked out of the room.

As soon as the door slammed shut, Lily collapsed onto the ground in a heap of whimpering tears.


End file.
